Dohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New military pension plan
G
As you all may have heard, there has been a lot of controversy going on recently concerning the fact that military personell haven't been getting their checks on time. As a result, the top military brass in Washington, DC just came up with a new pension program for retirees, where the Soldier, Sailor or Marine gets all his retirement money at once, up front. Here's the kicker, the retiree gets to determine how much he gets.
Three retirees were standing on the deck of the USS Eisenhower. One was a Colonel in the Corps, the other a Major in the Navy and the third a Lt. Colonel in the Army. A Corporal comes up to the three, salutes, and explains how the new pension plan works.
"You get to pick two points anywhere on your body. I'm then going to measure the distance between them, and the distance, in inches, determines how much you get. One thousand dollars for every inch between the points. Let's begin."
The Corporal then steps up to the Soldier, and askes him to pick the points.
"The tip of my shoes to the brim of my hat" says the Soldier.
Upon measurement, the total is 73 inches, thus the Soldier recieves $73,000. Pleased, he walks down the gangplank to his awaiting family.
The Corporal then steps up to the Sailor, and asks for him to pick his points.
"The tip of my shoes to the tip of my fingers" the Sailor says, holding his arms high above his head.
His total comes to 104 inches, thus he recieves $104,000. He too then walks down the gangplank to land after a final salute.
The Corporal then steps over to the Marine, and asks for his two points.
"The tip of my shoes to my junk" the Marine states.
Obviously taken aback, the Corporal protests that the Marine will get only 20 grand at most, and that he should select new points.
"MEASURE ME, MAGGOT!" the Marine yells.
So the Corporal, with no other option, bends down, starts at the Marine's feet, and works his way up. Finally reaching the Marine's crotch, he is shocked to find that the Marine is missing his "equiptment".
"Oh my God, where are your testicles?!" the Corporal asks.
Smiling, the Marine replies "Vietnam". :rofl::biggrin::nuts::dancingbananna:
Three retirees were standing on the deck of the USS Eisenhower. One was a Colonel in the Corps, the other a Major in the Navy and the third a Lt. Colonel in the Army. A Corporal comes up to the three, salutes, and explains how the new pension plan works.
"You get to pick two points anywhere on your body. I'm then going to measure the distance between them, and the distance, in inches, determines how much you get. One thousand dollars for every inch between the points. Let's begin."
The Corporal then steps up to the Soldier, and askes him to pick the points.
"The tip of my shoes to the brim of my hat" says the Soldier.
Upon measurement, the total is 73 inches, thus the Soldier recieves $73,000. Pleased, he walks down the gangplank to his awaiting family.
The Corporal then steps up to the Sailor, and asks for him to pick his points.
"The tip of my shoes to the tip of my fingers" the Sailor says, holding his arms high above his head.
His total comes to 104 inches, thus he recieves $104,000. He too then walks down the gangplank to land after a final salute.
The Corporal then steps over to the Marine, and asks for his two points.
"The tip of my shoes to my junk" the Marine states.
Obviously taken aback, the Corporal protests that the Marine will get only 20 grand at most, and that he should select new points.
"MEASURE ME, MAGGOT!" the Marine yells.
So the Corporal, with no other option, bends down, starts at the Marine's feet, and works his way up. Finally reaching the Marine's crotch, he is shocked to find that the Marine is missing his "equiptment".
"Oh my God, where are your testicles?!" the Corporal asks.
Smiling, the Marine replies "Vietnam". :rofl::biggrin::nuts::dancingbananna:
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